I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize