i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Randomize