watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
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