Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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