There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
