i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
