i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
