Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
