we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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