Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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