and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
