Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
