would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I AM VODKA MAN
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize