My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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