It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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