If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
