What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize