Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
