I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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