Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize