theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
