he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
