I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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