I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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