The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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