i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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