he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
