Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
