Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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