Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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