You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
