I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
