Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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