dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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