I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
