you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
