haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
