Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
