I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize