if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
