Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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