Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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