Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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