Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
