well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
