i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
