this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
