you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
