whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
