I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
