I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
