I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
