Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Randomize
