overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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