im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
