I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
