Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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