Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
