google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
only if we run a train.
done.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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