i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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