his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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