The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
