dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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