Screwed.edu
I wanna passion pit in your ass
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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