Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
