My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
