I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
My first STD was from a foam party
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
