If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
